Do you ever get the feeling that, just beneath the surface of the visible world, the world which you and I would consider reality, strange forces lurk, forming a sort of world-within-a-world? I didn't either, honestly. I mean, I've seen The Matrix, and I have to admit that their explanation, that a war between man and machine created a 300-year long meta-reality in which mankind is held thrall to a sentient, evil race of machines, would go a long way toward explaining things, like Everybody Loves Raymond.

But I'm not here to take cheapshots at non-threatening TV shows. I'm here to tell you that everything you've sensed, everything you've feared about meta-reality complex is true. I know this, because I've discovered a blind spot, a bubble in the Matrix. I've discovered a gathering place in the Internet where the world's top engineers, obviously unbeknownst to our bionical slavemasters, continue a discussion which already spans 9000 words, almost 40 pages of calculations and hypotheses.

It's a discussion about bacon.

Conclusions Microwaved - The bacon came out extremely crisp throughout both the fat and meat of the bacon. It felt a bit thicker than I expected from a thin cut piece of bacon. Examining the fat collected in the paper towels leads me to believe that very little fat was rendered out in comparison to the pan fry method. The technique is simple and hands free, but a problem that I have is that the paper towel stuck to several of the pieces of bacon. This may have been because I allowed the bacon to rest and drain on the same paper towel it was cooked on. Another issue is the limited number of bacon strips you can cook in a microwave oven at one time (but the time savings probably more than makes up for this).

Pan fried - The bacon felt the thinnest and lightest of the three. The bacon fat was crispy while the meat was slightly chewy. I actually prefer my bacon this way (not totally crunchy and crispy, but with some texture to it), but others may not. All in all, a good method to cook bacon but time consuming.

Broiled - The bacon was burnt in some spots and the meat felt undercooked. The areas need the burns were bitter in taste and the texture was soft and soggy throughout (except for the blackened parts). Not much fat was rendered off either. I would not recommend this technique.

So, microwaving is king if you're looking for bacon that feels thicker than what you purchased and crunchy throughout. Pan frying is great for a thin, light bacon with a little chew in the meat.

Technorati Tags: bacon, engineering

In a startling development, the smug leftist hipsters at überblog Boing Boing have gone two (2) straight days without mentioning Diebold. The last mention of the maligned "voting" machine manufacturer was right before the "election" results came in. Which, coincidentally, showed huge Democrat "wins".

Could it be that Diebold's agents have gotten to Xeni and Cory?! It couldn't possibly be that the whole body of anti-e-voting writings was just screeching partisan hysterics, could it?

Technorati Tags: electioneering, boingboing

Being a late adopter has its advantages. For example, I just picked up a Scott i960CS, which is a commodity DVD/standalone DivX player. It cost about fifty bucks, and is so generic that it's nigh ungoogleable. I bought it to replace my fifty-dollar DVD player, which was getting a bit long in the tooth. About three years ago, I really, really wanted one of these, but they were going for a cool $400 at the local shops, so I decided to buy shoes and electricity instead. Now, I can pick one up at about 12% the cost that I would have gladly forked out back then, had I had the cash.

What a cool thing these doodads are. It will play just about anything you throw at it, format-wise. You can easily shut off the irritating region restrictions that would otherwise keep you from playing DVDs from other countries, which in my case would be the US-bought movies that comprise about half my collection. It's got a USB port, into which you can plug a thumb drive, iPod, or external hard drive, and browse them to play media.

My big idea was to copy all my music and movies to an external 160GB hard drive, hook it up to the USB port, and never have to switch discs again. Unfortunately, two things keep me from doing that. First, the Scott doesn't read long filenames from external devices (data DVDs seem to work fine), so you'll have to wade through FAT32-style mangled names, trying to figure out what “BLOWJO~1.AVI? could possibly be. And second, whenever you access the external drive, it thrashes around alarmingly, as the player apparently scans the entire thing at a go. It's scary enough that I'll stick to copying things over to the USB flash stick for the time being.

I realize this was all new and hot about three years ago, but that's what's great about being a late adopter: 50 bucks and you get that consumerist rush. Now, I can't wait until Christmas 2009 when I can pick up that sweet-ass Xbox 360 I'll be having my eye on.

Technorati Tags: consoles, entertainment

Twelve years ago, the Republicans took power under the leadership of Newt Gingrich. Newt was a man that even 17-year old liberal drama fags at my high school hated in the '80s, so I was predispositioned to like him, even before I was old enough to vote. Anything that annoys pretentious, faux-political teenage liberals is fine by my book.

When they first came into power, the nation was damn near on internal Red Alert. Conspiracy theories, ranging from Con-Trails to cattle mutilations(!) by black-helicopter-flying secret government cryptofascist organizations, Unabombers, X-Files, Branch Davidians, Randy Weaver, Timothy McVeigh; you guys remember all that stuff, right? Well, it looks like it's that time again, kids! (Only this time, the Democrats have got the Patriot Act in their bag of tricks. And that seemed like such a good idea when the GOP was running the show...)

Gingrich, along with rich genius bastard Dick Armey, devised a scheme to defuse the situation. They called it the Contract with America, and it amounted to a Republican business plan for the newly-acquired Congress, Inc. I'm including it here on the vain hope that I'll actually read it all the way through at some point, and be able to assess what sort of progress the Republicans made over the last 12 years, in comparison to what they were actually all fired-up to do.

As Republican Members of the House of Representatives and as citizens seeking to join that body we propose not just to change its policies, but even more important, to restore the bonds of trust between the people and their elected representatives.

That is why, in this era of official evasion and posturing, we offer instead a detailed agenda for national renewal, a written commitment with no fine print. This year's election offers the chance, after four decades of one-party control, to bring to the House a new majority that will transform the way Congress works. That historic change would be the end of government that is too big, too intrusive, and too easy with the public's money. It can be the beginning of a Congress that respects the values and shares the faith of the American family. Like Lincoln, our first Republican president, we intend to act "with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right." To restore accountability to Congress. To end its cycle of scandal and disgrace. To make us all proud again of the way free people govern themselves. On the first day of the 104th Congress, the new Republican majority will immediately pass the following major reforms, aimed at restoring the faith and trust of the American people in their government: • FIRST, require all laws that apply to the rest of the country also apply equally to the Congress; • SECOND, select a major, independent auditing firm to conduct a comprehensive audit of Congress for waste, fraud or abuse; • THIRD, cut the number of House committees, and cut committee staff by one-third; • FOURTH, limit the terms of all committee chairs; • FIFTH, ban the casting of proxy votes in committee; • SIXTH, require committee meetings to be open to the public; • SEVENTH, require a three-fifths majority vote to pass a tax increase; • EIGHTH, guarantee an honest accounting of our Federal Budget by implementing zero base-line budgeting. Thereafter, within the first 100 days of the 104th Congress, we shall bring to the House Floor the following bills, each to be given full and open debate, each to be given a clear and fair vote and each to be immediately available this day for public inspection and scrutiny. 1. THE FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY ACT: A balanced budget/tax limitation amendment and a legislative line-item veto to restore fiscal responsibility to an out- of-control Congress, requiring them to live under the same budget constraints as families and businesses. (Bill Text) (Description)

2. THE TAKING BACK OUR STREETS ACT: An anti-crime package including stronger truth-in- sentencing, "good faith" exclusionary rule exemptions, effective death penalty provisions, and cuts in social spending from this summer's "crime" bill to fund prison construction and additional law enforcement to keep people secure in their neighborhoods and kids safe in their schools. (Bill Text) (Description)
3. THE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ACT: Discourage illegitimacy and teen pregnancy by prohibiting welfare to minor mothers and denying increased AFDC for additional children while on welfare, cut spending for welfare programs, and enact a tough two-years-and-out provision with work requirements to promote individual responsibility. (Bill Text) (Description)
4. THE FAMILY REINFORCEMENT ACT: Child support enforcement, tax incentives for adoption, strengthening rights of parents in their children's education, stronger child pornography laws, and an elderly dependent care tax credit to reinforce the central role of families in American society. (Bill Text) (Description)
5. THE AMERICAN DREAM RESTORATION ACT: A S500 per child tax credit, begin repeal of the marriage tax penalty, and creation of American Dream Savings Accounts to provide middle class tax relief. (Bill Text) (Description)
6. THE NATIONAL SECURITY RESTORATION ACT: No U.S. troops under U.N. command and restoration of the essential parts of our national security funding to strengthen our national defense and maintain our credibility around the world. (Bill Text) (Description)
7. THE SENIOR CITIZENS FAIRNESS ACT: Raise the Social Security earnings limit which currently forces seniors out of the work force, repeal the 1993 tax hikes on Social Security benefits and provide tax incentives for private long-term care insurance to let Older Americans keep more of what they have earned over the years. (Bill Text) (Description)
8. THE JOB CREATION AND WAGE ENHANCEMENT ACT: Small business incentives, capital gains cut and indexation, neutral cost recovery, risk assessment/cost-benefit analysis, strengthening the Regulatory Flexibility Act and unfunded mandate reform to create jobs and raise worker wages. (Bill Text) (Description)
9. THE COMMON SENSE LEGAL REFORM ACT: "Loser pays" laws, reasonable limits on punitive damages and reform of product liability laws to stem the endless tide of litigation. (Bill Text) (Description)
10. THE CITIZEN LEGISLATURE ACT: A first-ever vote on term limits to replace career politicians with citizen legislators. (Description) Further, we will instruct the House Budget Committee to report to the floor and we will work to enact additional budget savings, beyond the budget cuts specifically included in the legislation described above, to ensure that the Federal budget deficit will be less than it would have been without the enactment of these bills. Respecting the judgment of our fellow citizens as we seek their mandate for reform, we hereby pledge our names to this Contract with America.

Technorati Tags: 2006 election, abject humiliation, newt, politics

Rube drinks only 'prosumer'-level beer.