Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood