Showtime

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.