Cheney to Leahy:

Go Fuck Yourself

Does this mean that the FCC can jump on C-SPAN now? That would actually be a good way to generate some revenue. Just put Cheney up there like he's going to make a speech, then he starts up like "fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck F-uhhh-uuhhh-uuh...CK!" That's $3,000,000 per day right there.

And who woulda thought that "a conversation about politics, religion, and money" with Dick Cheney could turn unpleasant? Shit, man, Leahy should be thanking his lucky stars that Dick didn't pull his jersey over his head and give him the Willi Plett treatment.

If C-SPAN commentators would start goading senators into hockey fights, it would at least put some butts in the seats in the Capitol. Last time I watched Congress on C-SPAN, the gallery looked like a late-80s Braves game; back then, the peanut guy just sat down next to you and watched the game. With more fights, you could get enough people in there to get the wave going. And there could be an awesome EA Congress 2004 game. I'd play Daschle, because he's the scruffy little Reijo Ruotsalainen of American politics.

I expect this kind of thing from British MPs. When you watch the Brits in session, they always seem to be 5 seconds away from a rhubarb.

The Mozilla Workers' Party has announced version 0.9 of Firefox (click the link over there on the clichd and unintuitive interface element, "left-hand sidebar"). In the name of openness, and to avoid a browser monopoly, every single person on the Internet should use Firefox.

IE==HITLER!!!

If you're not using Firefox, you might just as well have sawed off those guys' heads with your own blood-soaked hands. Take a stand! Internet Explorer won't even let you see its source code! Firefox will, though the shit might as well be in Chinese for all the good it'll do you. No, really, peruse them 35,000,000 lines of spaghetti and find the little meatball that's sending your surfing habits to Richard StaLLLman. Ok, maybe that's not such a hot metaphor, but I think you get my point.

Seething Rage

That's the feeling I get every time I see that smirking, chimp-like blue "e" spinning in the top right navigation area thing up there. Ugh, how the hell did this insane Nazi browser get (ssssss)elected to be king of the freaking web, anyway? Nothing but a little piece of trailer-trash, elevated to the role of Puppet-in-Chief by its connections to Big OS Money.

It's time for Regime Change here in the Internet. I want to be able to use CSS rounded corners and alpha transparency, not "filters" and "effects". Don't let the Internet's fate be determined by the same kind of people who made BonziBuddy a household word.

Stop killing babies and start using Firefox!

It's that time of year again. 1 score and 14 years ago, I began the slink towards Jerusalem which we call life. I traditionally celebrate my birthday with this ancient Negro spiritual, as performed by the Atlanta, GA-based bluegrass band, Blur.

Damon say:

It's my birthday No one here day Very strange day I think of you day Go outside day Sit in park day Watch the sky day What a pathetic day I dont like this day it makes me feel too small I dont like these days They make me feel so small

It's the first birthday I've ever had where I was cold. It's cold outside.

Update:

I woke up this morning, well, today, and it wasn't cold anymore. It turned out to be the most stunning day of the year so far. 73F, little cottonball clouds, and the kind of sky they had to invent words like "azure" for. It just goes to show you, if you whine enough, God will hear you. Which doesn't bode well for November.

As I noted last year, the unbridled hatred of George Bush makes me nervous. It's not hard to believe he'll be assassinated at some point. In order to defeat the bug, I said to myself as I was shaving this morning, you have to understand the bug. Speaking of shaving, I usually use a single-blade safety razor, like grandpa's, to shave with. Those things are downright dangerous once they get dull; you might as well wear an orange jumpsuit and sit cross-legged on the floor while you shave, exhorting your people to rise up against the oppressor and follow your example by also shaving their heads off, praise be to Allah. I can't find new blades anywhere; I guess I'll have to buy a new razor. So I thought of a few reasons to hate George Bush.

Reasons to Hate George W. Bush

• A President needs to have a way with words. Bush...not have way
• He gave you a wedgy in high school
• He gave you a wedgy in 2000
• He took the last fucking slice of pizza, that bitch
• He banged your girlfriend at that party
• He's one of those religious fundamentalists
• He always makes that shitty little self-righteous coughing noise when you light a cigarette IN A BAR, for fuck's sake
• He doesn't drink
• That Medicare thing

Screw George W. Bush.

This might just be the best blog entry...evar. I don't say that lightly, as I consider my own work to be the zenith of western philosophy. But, realistically, aside from a few Oxford commas, what really differentiates the men from the boys in the quaintly-bemonikered "blogosphere"? You have the greats, no doubt: The "Velociman" does indeed "use his tongue purdierna two-dollar whore"*, if I may be so bold as to quote the belovd Slim Pickens vehicle, "Les Setts Flambs". Another great adventurer of the soul is "Protein Wisdom" who, though a Jew, manages to express his "ideas" in an art that doesn't scream "Catskills". Recommended, if only with certain obvious reservations.