The metric system makes you fat. I stepped on a scale a week or two ago, and I'll be damned if I didn't weigh 74,000 grams. That's unbelievable, when you think about it. If Rube were made completely of heroin, he would have a street value of US$8,299,100.00 (€6,915,916.67), according to this undoubtedly bogus heroin price trend analysis I randomly Googled. Any page that contains the word "truth" in the title is guaranteed to have more distortion than a Hüsker Dü closer.

Now, when I was a boy I was really fat, even in the good old Imperialist System. According to the above study, my dwindling stores and the relatively high prices I could've fetched in the early 80's have conspired to reduce my worth by more than 65 million dollars. But even at my rosy-cheeked plumpest my weight never had a comma in it.

Sounds like Cobby had a more interesting weekend than I did.

What's amazing about that entry is that her high-school has a liquor license. But only until 1:00 AM.

Ah, Europe.